Dear Jessica

It’s been 8 months since you passed and this is our first Christmas without you…. I don’t know why but I still cry sometimes it’s also 4am and here I am awake and crying cuz I realized that you weren’t here… And I know that the people that follow me are probably like why are you whining about someone that’s not there but I don’t think they will understand that you aren’t just someone to me you were my sister not only that you were my big sister we may not have been blood related but you were there for pretty much everything and I know there are people on here that understand my weirdness right now.. But it still doesn’t change the fact that you are not here.. I didn’t receive any big merry christmas hug from you… Your big smile asking me about how my high school life is and if anyone was trying to pick a fight with me and how you would beat their butts to china… It’s not the same anymore and I don’t think it ever will there will always be this awkwardness around the holidays and in April it will always be there and I know that I can’t do anything to change that… I try my best to be there for your dad and your brothers I try my hardest to just live life like you would want me too… I try so hard fighting everyday and trying my hardest not to break in front of people… It’s hard and you know what it’s never gonna be easy.. Life is tough shit and knowing that you aren’t here to battle it with me just hurts we where the baby girls of the family…. The only girls that could put up with our families oddities and drunkenness… But I know I have to fight for the both of us and it’s weird somedays I’ll hear your laugh or I can smell your perfume or I’ll see someone that looks like you and I can’t help but miss you and even though you are not physically here I still love you and I don’t think anything can change that… Well good night
Love,
Lindsey

December 28th 2012 · 1 note
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